i was sucha bitch last night. i could have done smth rather than sitting there watching your back, watching you sob so badly. but i felt super helpless, whatever i do spells care, and it'll mean that i'm making it harder for you to let go. i'm so so sorry, nothing made you unbeautiful. its either i shouldn't have started, or i shouldn't have ended it. now we're both torn apart, i don't know what to do to make you feel better, i don't know what to do to make myself feel better. i saw this coming, i knew i'll be left alone at the end of it. i don't even know what i want alrd. i didn't mean to rub salt on your wound, i didn't choose him over you. i really did not. i'm sorry for this stupid emo post but i'm hurting so bad now, i don't know what to do. i hate myself, i don't know why i did or did not do certain things. i don't know how to make all of these better. i don't know why i'm pushing away someone who loves me so much. maybe to the point whereby no matter what i do, i can never equat, i will never be able to love you back the way you love me. i thought i'll never regret what i did but now i'm not so sure alrd. i hate that i'm so fickle minded, i hate that i'm so indecisive.