weekdays have been filled with studying at Bishan library. be it rain or shine, its still the library haha and its never without the two "P"s. i really hope they will stop balloon-ing. sigh, like what Joanne said, i must speak of love&influence them. most importantly, believe that they can do it. but then again, it hurts a whole lot believing in some thing/ someone and then the person fails you. you know? but its ok, for them, i will. or maybe, they just need to release stress haha. like me! the 3 of us(poheepauline&i) have been becoming really huge retards. we get stressed with studies and the work we have to do as exco members and we go crazy together. its really nice thou, bcuz i know im not in the alone. too many retarded moments and things, i cannot remember which. only the 3 of us know, maybe thats enough. AND THE 1ST BONDING WAS A SUCCESS!! :D:D:D maybe except the not-100%-attendance. but there's no 100% thing in the world, so yep, that comforts me. hahaha self-denial. anyway! am really happy that everyone enjoyed the games, most importantly, they bonded! :D maybe the only bad thing about being the incharge is that i dont get to bond with them? but its ok, there're alot more chances to come! teehee, im really happy, thou drained. i emailed Darren last night cuz Jc said he should know about the happenings thou he's not here. i've been too selfish, i only cared about how im to carry out the bonding sessions, whether or not the team will enjoy and whether it'll be successful or not. i didnt think of whether or not Darren missed out a lot of stuff or what if he comes back and finds himself lost in the team. i kept thinking he has Ben Loh & Jc but thats not the point. point is, even thou he's helping me in welfare, as much as im the incharge of welfare, i should make sure even Darren feels "in" it. i wouldn't have realised if Pohee didnt point it out last night. i really love it when we just sat down there, and talked about the bonding and a lot of other stuff. its like they helped "close" the case for me, emotionally&mentally. so that i didn't have to do it myself, we were all so drained pleaseeeee. sigh, Liren asked for Myra ystd, i didnt know what to answer. cuz i was busy burying myself in the workload, i looked passed the fact that she wont be coming this yr ): but its ok! (i can only comfort myself like that) YAYYYY DARREN'LL MOSRT PROLLY BE BACK BY 12TH NOV!!!! WHICH MEANS HE CAN COME FOR THE 2ND BONDING!!!! :D:D:D:D:D:D *throwsconfetti* im sorry if i bored you guys with my post! :/ ohyes, i feel like a really bad friend now ): roarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

pics of Hannah when she was younger! 

met suzanne the bitch at the airport ystd! :D 

first and fore most, Cecilia(the pig) wants me to say that PIGS ARE INTELLIGENT ANIMALS. but then again, its up to you to decipher whether it is or not.

i just needed to tell this to smth/someone. apparently, i chose to say it here. i really really hope MyraKehSi-Hui will decide to go for the Cambodia trip this yr. please ah hui, i wanto make it the 3rd yr we're going this together, Poh ee, You&me. besides, this yr's going to be a more challenging one cuz we're all part of the Exco. you might not even read this but whatever, i just needed to say it. part of me really wants you to come bcuz i dont want the friendship between us to fade away like how it is fading away now. its really heartaching to see you turn your back and leave like that. k, i might be imagining it abit too much but thats what im feeling now. we all know you're someone who can detach pretty easily. but its people like me that you leave behind, yearning for you to not let go, hoping that everything'll be the same again. you know, you make sucha huge impact in my life and you suddenly dont care/i dont see much of you, it makes me emo): i really miss those times):

can someone please tell me why he still cares if i'm in love or not? ): i've never got into another relationship after you, is that enough? you alrd had 4 or more after me. congrats. LouisLimLong. Good To Go? says: waa someone nick like fell in love liao hor ???? and then everytime when i wanto start talking to him like ask him hows life and all that, he gets disconnected. IRRITATING. NOT FAIR. he gets to know whats in my life but i dont know a single shit about his's. i dont wanto text him cuz i dont wanto end up feeling rejected. like what if he doesnt replies and all that shit. stupid LLL! ):

LJX, thanks for the "fall for you"! appreciate it(: oh did i mention i watched "money no enough2" AGAIN? but the irritating PBYSK(owj) wanted to watch it, at Eng Wah somemore.(cuz he had the Keppel card thing=free tickets) but only 2 tics left so we bought another 2. normally i wont go to EW cinemas unless there's really no choice. caught it with Cecilia&Lixin too(: stupid wenzi&i were waiting for our favourite song to come!! hahaha ya la call me auntie or whatev la ok. yes, i admit, i've been listening to hokkien songs recently. cuz the lyrics are really meaningful/touching/sad. but who cares! my friends listens to them 24/7 too! :D:D:D and then the PBYSK forced me to go for the Dinner at this restaurant near yishun interchange. its for some charity la, they bid stuff and all that. no actually he forced pauline&i to go! but it was so wierd at first! his relatives&family there and all then both of us in shorts(i was in my hoodie) appear in the restaurant. walao! but i like the way his family works thou(: fulla harmony&communication all that. not that my family dont. but its like plus the relatives&cousins all. the best thing about ystd was, mommy didnt even nag! hahaha i reached home like 11plus and i had school the next day and all that shit but she didnt nag!!! :D:D:D i had fun!! will post retarded pics of owj very soon, heh heh heh PBYSK! i wanto own that maths tys too. cuz wj said he completed that and got an A2. could he be lying to me? ohwells, for my own good, i should try to finish all that anyway! GO CHERYLCHAN! its only about 3more months and its over!!!! :D:D:D i cannot wait for Batam/Bkk/Bali/Malaysia/Cambodia trip! i cannot wait for retail therapy! i cannot wait to burn the books! i cannot wait to drink like a siaocharbo! i cannot wait to have fun and just have fun for months! i cannot wait to work, earn money&buy a lot of stuff! I CANNOT WAIT! :D:D:D (there're still a lot of "i cannot waits", just that i cant think now.) i need to go to bed! gnight world(:

proudly presenting... my baby(: handsome right! :D:D and the precious ones below(: i miss those times but these are the unglam shots of them(still got alot ok! i alrd tried to choose the nicer ones! )

just when i thought i'm finally done with the Proposal for the 1st team bonding, Joanne had to improvise on it. yep, i really do understand how much a perfectionist she is cuz i'm one too. just that maybe her level of wanting perfections is higher? roarrrrrrr this means i still have things to do(when will i not?). ): i need the tiger! dont really wanto touch mich&jc cuz they just started school :/ i'm so officially dead! ): i feel really tired, like emotionally. mentally not really, cuz i havent been working my brains enough. maybe except for reasons for myself to not go school. other than that, cherylchan's brains has been fulla bondings/games/cambodia trip/how to enjoy hols/excuses to make myself feel better and the list goes on. i doubt i'm going for Qianhua's farewell dinner this sunday, i have too many things to juggle with now. infact, i shouldnt be doing anything else but STUDY. 19 days to prelims. 65 days to O Levels. 91 DAYS TO HOLIDAYS!!!! :D:D:D they called me an optimist cuz i always choose to look at the number of days left to hols. but why havent they wondered it could be that i'm living in my own shell and is shutting down all the rest that doesnt concerns me/the true but hard to deal with stuff in life? anyways, i've caught " Money no enough2" &"12Lotus" recently. "money no enough2" was pretty good, i teared quite a few times thou. and yes, some parts were super hilarious, so funny that i couldnt stop talking about it for the next few days hahaha. "12Lotus" was ok, a lot of singing in Hokkien. ohyes, if you wondered how i watched it, i got tickets for the Gala Premire @ Vivo. TAN AHBAO, THANK YOU FOR THE TICS! (: caught them with Wenjie, Pohee&Pauline. saw a few celebrities too, i missed MiLuBing la walao!!!! stupid Wenjie saw them while we were squeezing thru the crowd! ): i wanto cover my previous post cuz it makes me feel emo everytime i view my own blog ): but no, i dont wanto delete it. cuz deleting it will mean running away. so i should face it, i will, somehow, someday.

its always times like this i wished i didnt initiate the breakup. i really really miss you, but it's been so long! i miss the rides on your bikes. i miss bickering with you(even after we broke up). i miss you sending me home. i miss the bus rides. i miss the smell on your clothes(the softener). i miss how frequent we watched movies in yishun gv cinemas, super nobody in the afternoons. i miss amk ave10. i miss you ):

deleted the chatlogs like few months ago. now i only have pictures of you/"us" to look at. you dont ask me out like you used to anymore. and it has been so long since we last spoke/seen each other. i hope you'll last long with your uglylooking girlf(hahahaha you said so!) dont like your girlf, she gives out some kind of negative aura. hahahahahaha give people stupid face all that, idiot. better treasure limlong if not i'll stalk you. i know you live in Sembawang hahahahaha(but only bcuz he kept going there so i kinda guessed it).

if only i took more pics with him, sigh.

ROAR! i'm off to emo now, bye ):

 It goes away. The feeling. That feeling that you have right now... today... that feeling like you can do anything. That clarity... It goes away. And you go right back to being the coward who can’t tell the person you love how you feel.

everytime i come online, its checking of mails, taking down of stuff from emails and replying mails. this is crazy, i have quite a few things to plan. thank god Jaslyn just told me Jia Cheng&Mich will be helping us for now. if not.... i might really die. ok im off to do my stuff for now! might post smth later! 

walao! stupid internet connection! i just finished ranting(typing) but all's gone! but i cannot take it already, eyes super dry cuz of contacts&im super tired! but i ranted about me feeling very stressed. got a lot of stuff to be completed by 16th Aug and i haven't done a single thing! stupid ntuc chalet pissed me off, so i can put that on hold first, very glad. bcuz they only have dates available till Nov for now, Dec ones not available yet! then i still have activities for 1st team bonding on 30th Aug. shit mannnnnnnnnn :/ and also the R&R and bonding sessions which we will have when we're in Cambodia. the best thing is, i dont have a single shit in my mind now! i dont even know where to start from. so i hope both Corina and Darren will reply my emails as promptly as possible! and i love my cousin cuz he helped me convert songs from Youtube! i wanted them so badly la! esp WestGrand's DKNY!!!!!! :D:D:D ok im done, im gonna listen to me ipod to sleep(:

kor just called home from Brunei :D:D:D other than the fact that he called home, theres nothing much to be happy about. he said he fainted half way thru the training cuz of the very strong heat and he's on drip now. which means, he failed the whole thing ): he pleaded with the people there to allow him to try again but they forbid. its prolly due to the 2 cases that happened to the army guys. like half way thru training they collapsed and just died. thats why they die die dont allow kor to resume to the training. kor told mommy he's feeling sad. and that when he comes back to Sgp, he's officer sure 'kan' him. tamade stupid retarded officer. if my kor dies just like that, no matter how much you cry also wont bring him back ok! ask your wife bear another child out also useless, wont bring the dead back. no wonder i've been feeling wierd these few days. like kept thinking of kor, i actually missed him quite abit.(even thou he always calls me fat&punches me in the arm, super painful ok!) anyhows, i really hope he'll be ok after the adequate rest. according to kor, he'll be exempted from the training and stuff from today onwards. he'll be back thurs midnight/fri morning. please be back safe, i pray. cherylchan, please start saving money! oh, im so so mad at my computer! i've downloaded the episodes from MobTv but i cant seem to play it! so angry you know! was anticipating for it so much la, then know like that. walaoooooooo

i just got home from j8. and i missed my 9pm show(as expected). maybe i should've stayed home instead. cuz the moment i prepared to go out, i had bad cramps ): then i had serious diarrhoea ): ahhhhhh but its still not coming! and i hate that kinda feeling pms gives me. its like i feel neither here nor there, i feel super insecure, i feel damn shitty. the worse is the diarrhoea!! makes me weak, after i eat smth, i will have to go to the toilet. roarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr this is so so bad. you know i feel all shitty now. i feel like a little girl trying to conquer the whole wide world. i feel like im a small kid, trying to get all the attention i can from the people around me but no matter how hard i try, i can't. i dont know how to make myself more interesting so people come to me. or maybe i dont need people to come to me. maybe i just need myself. bcuz after all, people always say we cant really count on someone, its like we have to stand on our own feets and all that. but people need friends too, no? if not then what do i do when i feel super lousy? who do i rant at? who do i turn to? you seeeeeee, we need friends, we all do. but then again, i dont know who to turn to when i feel lousy. its not that the people are not there anymore, they are. its just that, i dont know who i should turn to. bcuz everyone judge, even friends(i know they say real friends dont judge but whatever~). and sometimes, just maybe a little sometime, im afraid of being judged. you know why? cuz i dont wanto bring myself down even more, i know i'm an insecure freak. so its either i live with it for the rest of my life, or i change my stupid thinking of being insecure. fat people are all around what! and im just another one! soooooooo it cant be that bad, can it? the problem about having a blog is that you worry what people will say about you when you blog about certain things. when you're unhappy about a particular person/ smth, you cant really post it on your blog. or should i say, my blog. bcuz i dont want others to come asking me whats wrong and so on. but sometimes, i need people to let me know that they'll be there(again, im an insecure freak). so its kinda contradicting sometimes. and life, can be so so ironic. its like sometimes you want it but for some reasons you cant. and maybe the next minute you can have it but again, for some reasons, you dont want it anymore. yes, life can be that ironic. tsk, i really dont know whats up with me. but im abit pissed at Lmy. shut up with all that asking me to help you complete the puzzle stuff. cuz i dont really want to, i dont see why i should be the one completing it. YOU should be the one completing it instead. i dont know her, like seriously? and the thought of you trying so hard to get people to complete the puzzle pisses me off, totally. i think its bcuz we're both looking at it from different perspectives. yours is that as long as you've done your best(even if you didnt complete it yourself), its perfectly fine bcuz she likes puzzles but apparently, you sucked at it. mine, is that you should do it yourself, like totally done by you so it will be meaningful as a gift. and if you're not good in fixing puzzles, then dont challenge yourself to a thousandpieces puzzle! like duh? common sense! and i dont think its not possible, infact, you could've alrready completed it! i think, its a matter of whether you want to do it or not, not whether you can or cannot. i know you wont read this cuz you're prolly to stupid to know that i own a blog or whatev reasons, i dont care. i just needed to let this out bcuz i dont know who to go to. everyone thinks i like you. no, i really dont. hokay, i've said my piece, i'm gone!

i finally saw F!!!! in Dinie's fster albums:/ thats kinda sad uh? i wonder how's he doing.... ):