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Friday, August 01, 2008
i just got home from j8. and i missed my 9pm show(as expected). maybe i should've stayed home instead. cuz the moment i prepared to go out, i had bad cramps ): then i had serious diarrhoea ): ahhhhhh but its still not coming! and i hate that kinda feeling pms gives me. its like i feel neither here nor there, i feel super insecure, i feel damn shitty. the worse is the diarrhoea!! makes me weak, after i eat smth, i will have to go to the toilet. roarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr this is so so bad.
you know i feel all shitty now. i feel like a little girl trying to conquer the whole wide world. i feel like im a small kid, trying to get all the attention i can from the people around me but no matter how hard i try, i can't. i dont know how to make myself more interesting so people come to me. or maybe i dont need people to come to me. maybe i just need myself. bcuz after all, people always say we cant really count on someone, its like we have to stand on our own feets and all that. but people need friends too, no? if not then what do i do when i feel super lousy? who do i rant at? who do i turn to? you seeeeeee, we need friends, we all do. but then again, i dont know who to turn to when i feel lousy. its not that the people are not there anymore, they are. its just that, i dont know who i should turn to. bcuz everyone judge, even friends(i know they say real friends dont judge but whatever~). and sometimes, just maybe a little sometime, im afraid of being judged. you know why? cuz i dont wanto bring myself down even more, i know i'm an insecure freak. so its either i live with it for the rest of my life, or i change my stupid thinking of being insecure. fat people are all around what! and im just another one! soooooooo it cant be that bad, can it?
the problem about having a blog is that you worry what people will say about you when you blog about certain things. when you're unhappy about a particular person/ smth, you cant really post it on your blog. or should i say, my blog. bcuz i dont want others to come asking me whats wrong and so on. but sometimes, i need people to let me know that they'll be there(again, im an insecure freak). so its kinda contradicting sometimes. and life, can be so so ironic. its like sometimes you want it but for some reasons you cant. and maybe the next minute you can have it but again, for some reasons, you dont want it anymore. yes, life can be that ironic.
tsk, i really dont know whats up with me.
but im abit pissed at Lmy. shut up with all that asking me to help you complete the puzzle stuff. cuz i dont really want to, i dont see why i should be the one completing it. YOU should be the one completing it instead. i dont know her, like seriously? and the thought of you trying so hard to get people to complete the puzzle pisses me off, totally. i think its bcuz we're both looking at it from different perspectives. yours is that as long as you've done your best(even if you didnt complete it yourself), its perfectly fine bcuz she likes puzzles but apparently, you sucked at it. mine, is that you should do it yourself, like totally done by you so it will be meaningful as a gift. and if you're not good in fixing puzzles, then dont challenge yourself to a thousandpieces puzzle! like duh? common sense! and i dont think its not possible, infact, you could've alrready completed it! i think, its a matter of whether you want to do it or not, not whether you can or cannot. i know you wont read this cuz you're prolly to stupid to know that i own a blog or whatev reasons, i dont care. i just needed to let this out bcuz i dont know who to go to. everyone thinks i like you. no, i really dont.
hokay, i've said my piece, i'm gone!
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10:43 PM
Yours truly.
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