after that huge struggle last night, i kinda managed to numb my feelings for the time being. thank God paully was there for me last night, if not i really dont know who else to turn to. qingaide&bugyee was in camp. tally had to turn in early cuz he has camp today. navinna wasnt back in town yet and alvinna was asleep already. wanted to call jonathan but guess he might he lala land already since he was working yesterday. and doudou? i dont know how to contact him): to you: everytime i decided to really give up, you somehow appear again. this is so sucky can. when i never thought i'd hear from you, you reply my message. i admit i was really excited&happy when i saw your name on my phone screen. at that very moment, i thought we could turn back time, go back to where we used to be. yet, i duh wanna allow myself any hope. fcuk lah, can we just end everything? i hate myself for turning back to you. i hate myself for going weak at the very sight of you/your name/anything that has got smth to do with you. i hate myself for believing in love/you. i hate myself, really. and youre like so irresponsible! if you knew you wont have time for me, why ask me for patch in the first place? and at the end of the day you treat me like fcuk. now youre asking how to be together cuz you dont have time for me and you dont wanna hurt me any deeper. let me tell you this: whats the point lah. youve already hurt me deep enough, deep till i dont feel the pain anymore. so it doesnt really matters if you hurt me more. i hate myself for loving you, i really do. no one's really been in this sheeettt. theres nothing left to say, im heavily broken.