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Friday, April 07, 2006
bah, should have expected this long ago. okay, not that long. bullsheet lah. i feel so unloved. i feel so taken for granted. i feel like someone just stabbed me deep in the heart. it was bleeding. and it still is now. chers, you shouldnt even have looked up so high on yourself. see what you get at the end of the day? all down and out. im hurt, veh deeply):
help help help. im suffering from a heart-lost. yes, again.
felt better pouring out my thoughts and probs. we(qing ai de, sweetheart, paully) had an all girls talk at qing ai de's house while pam and essential were surfing friendster like siao charbos next door. initially thought everything'll be fine after i've listen to their advices and not think so much. but right after that, my heart-lost came): he said we should spend some time to think our relationship. thats kinda alright, really. but whats heartaching was he actually said he dont know when i asked if the feelings were still there. at that veh moment, it was like acid pouring on me alive. sigh, what else can i do? by saying that, he made me think even deeper. i hate you yet i love you. why oh why? thou we were both at amk and texting, but our hearts were so far apart. so distant, like i wont be able to see you even if i had my specs on. oh, to add on. rach came along too. but went home earlier cuz she had tuition.
for those who thought ill just break down and cry like theres no tmr, youre absolutely wrong! i didnt drop even a tear alright. but it wasnt bcuz he doesnt mean a thing to me. im just hanging on to that lil hope that everything will be alright. or maybe im just running away, cuz reality's too hard for me to accept. okay, at least, for now. ill accept it. ill learn to accept it. right now, im just trying so hard to keep my mind occupied. yea, ill try harder.
tell me everything will be alright
close your eyes and dream of me tonight
tell me that you wont just fade away.
cross my heart and hope it die tonight i dream my pain away.
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11:15 AM
Yours truly.
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