Tuesday, January 17, 2006
got quite a few stuffs on my wishlist currently. sponser anyone? -beams-
1. roxy polkadot wallet[32bucks]-white leather.
2. roxy polkadot pencilcase[26bucks]
3. a new mp3!
4. that mickey mouse phone!
5. new pair of flats.-mine's wearing out pretty soon.
6. new pair of nice and comfy shoes.
7. more ear piercings!
and the list goes on and on. i can never get contented with the amount of things i already have. and i have no idea.
puyi's house is always the greatest to slack, talk and just simply have fun=) initially felt kinda down. prolly cuz i recalled some unhappy stuffs. yea. but well, i recovered! laughs.
sometimes,i dont know if im just tryin to act up a strong front, or did i really recover? imma that cheerful and bubbly girl that im known for? or imma just hiding all my thoughts behind that mask that im putting on everyday? im feeling so insecure right now. thoughts and memories running through my mind vividly. i realised i havent really quite know myself. but how could this be?
i wasnt like that a few years back. i were just an ordinary girl. leading my life to the fullest everyday. i used to be that girl,who puts on her smile no matter what happens. i wasnt those kinda girl who'd think of so many things. but now. its all so different.
edmond say im rather perceptive. that i think deep. is that a good thing or a bad one? i guess im having all these thoughts cuz the people and things around me have been constantly reminding me to not be so complacent in life. and yea,i know it. but sometimes when everything just seem to be at the wrong path, everyone seem so together except me. when i felt like a total outcast, i just wanna give in to the devil. i know i should stand strong in faith no matter what happens. i know i ought to fight that war with the devil to rise up to a higher level. but God, do you know how hard it is for me? how difficult things are for me every now and then? how i pray but my prayers dont get answered?
i treated you like a vending machine when i know i wasnt supposed to. i commit my sins before you and you forgave me. but why are my prayers always left unanswered? at that moment, i thought youre gonna cut off the string that was tieing us together. yet when the world came crashing down at me, you came to my rescue. you salvaged me. you left me all confused and lost.
|
|
im falling to my knees.i need you lord to breathe in me.my prayer is still the same.my heart is calling out your name.
12:01 PM
Yours truly.